Memory

How precious are our memories. I have been thinking about that sentiment lately and what it's like for those of us who have less than reliable recall. After accepting the lifestyle changes that go along with weak memory, the hardest part is accepting the impact on other people's perceptions. Credibility becomes a major issue -- not always because they doubt the reliability of your memory, but because they doubt your integrity and core values.

If a student, for example, completes their homework but forgets to hand it in, studies all week but forgets to set their alarm for the big test, or forgets the instructions for an assignment, the teacher will dismiss the lapse in memory as intentional or even "carelessness". If one lover asks another "do you remember that time..." an the response is "no", this simple loss in memory makes it seem to one as if the other doesn't value the time they spent together.

A couple of months ago, work brought me into a Borders in Atlanta. I came across a book entitled Japanese Cooking at Home. Inside I found the recipe for 親子丼, which is one of my fondest memories from Japan as far as food goes. This may be the only book I've bought all year (pitiful, I know). I shared it with my girlfriend, and a week later she asked me "How salty is donburi supposed to be?" "What?" "The chicken and egg recipe from that book you bought." "What recipe? I bought a book?"

How painful something so fundamentally "good" as love can become when we can no longer share the memories we value. Some people go as far as to intentionally lock those memories away, but in the end, those memories will undeniably fade away. Whether it be in aging or in death, the longevity of our private memories is limited. What is more important is the chance to make those memories and the chance to impact the memories of those around us.

Independence

With graduation comes a sense of accomplishment, relief, or even anticipation. Many people claim that graduation marks the transition into the "real world", but this is often patronizing younger generations as if they have been sheltered all their lives. Of course, I know plenty of people who have graduated and still believe the world revolves around them. No, graduation doesn't inherently MEAN anything -- at least not to me.

Those little pieces of paper that my dean signed say little about my education. Together, they only attest to a fraction of my college experience. Most of my peers sought out degrees to flash in front of employers; they sought professors who would make the journey easy; they sought tactics that would earn a 4.0 GPA on paper without having done any independent work. Not to blow my own horn, but I would rather fail a class than cheat; I would rather have high grade point TOTAL than AVERAGE; I would rather take classes I'm BAD AT than finish a semester on the dean's list. To me, college was a time to learn something, not a time to impress people on paper. If you were to include the classes I audited, I have around 230 undergraduate credit hours compared to the 130 required for my combined degrees.

But then, graduation means the same as dropping out. It isn't an accomplishment -- it's a transition. Is it independence? Not usually. The government is running out of funding for benefit programs, so our generation has to start saving for retirement as early as possible. We are slaves to money, which makes us slaves to our jobs, slaves to responsibility... which isn't always so bad if you don't mind being a slave. American sentiments make this difficult to accept.

I read in "Polite Fictions" that Americans push independence culturally, whereas Japanese push interdependence. Why would Americans not want to belong to something greater? The military makes soldiers proud to belong, and children everywhere hate feeling outcast... so how is it we as Americans dream of independence knowing quite well it is unattainable in any industrial society? The closer together we all become, the greater the appeal to fantasy games that appeal to the need for independence. I'm losing focus on what my point was at this late hour, but to me, independence is the great joy of being out of school... and unemployed. v_v

In any case, I have purchased a domain name to celebrate my independence. I have also (as you may have noticed) redesigned the site. It's all hand-coded, so I hope to get some feedback. Keep your eyes peeled at crockettquest.com for future updates!