Appreciation

I visited a non-demoniational (Lutherans in disguise) church today. Walking into this place is like walking into a Lutheran church in America. Everybody is suddenly speaking in regional American accents, the music is provided by two guitarists and a bongo player, the hymnals give 4-part harmony which is scrapped for new chord progressions that preserve only the melody, and the service itself is a practice in recitations of how we are selfish hateful sinners. Rather than reciting how we are unworthy of a relationship with God, whatever name He is given, I believe a church is responsible for encouraging a relationship with God. The pastor did say something that stuck with me. He said:

You must learn to feast before you can learn to fast.

His meaning, though I think it went right by the Japanese visitors, was that without true appreciation for time of celebration, fasting is miserable and meaningless. However, I think this kind of advice is only meant to suggest that life requires balance. It's right along the lines of "Good cannot exist without evil." I've spent a great deal of my life believing that I must understand all walks of life and be able to appreciate all forms of art and expression in order to comprehend the significance of anything. I've stretched myself too thin, and I exhausted my resources in the process. Granted, not many people have the bragging rights of becoming a senior after only 3 semesters of college, but close to half the courses I've taken by now have been classified as non-degree pursuits. My attempt to appreciate life looks more like a lack of focus on a single goal.

This week I've gained an appreciation for money, having spent most of my scholarship funds too quickly, counting the 10 dollars I have left to get me through the next week one by one. I've gained an appreciation for free food (er, I mean for Chinese-Japanese relations) at the two-day conference I attended with 2 wonderful performers of Chinese traditional instruments. I've gained an appreciation for people's complex emotions, encountering all sides of the human spirit this week. However, I still have no idea how to respond to people under certain kinds of stress. There are those who will hate you for trying to help, and those who will hate you for not trying to help. There are those who can only be happy with their expectations are met, and those who seek only the unexpected. There are stalkers, and those who wish to be left alone for life. This is far more complicated than a matter of there being leaders and followers. Perhaps I can never expect to understand what people want and what people need, and as long as there are people who follow nothing but their emotions, they will never be classifiable into any realm of rationality. I just wish these people would be willing to open up a little so we can learn to appreciate each other.