

More than a story -- it's the road to enlightenment! Or insanity... however it turns out.
Those who are doing I directly are what to tie to the next from there, even if it falls since.
So lately I've noticed that my scarce blog entries tend to be mild exorcises in creative writing, with the title somehow forming an underlying motif. I'm not that creative, and I've come close to failing every writing class I've ever taken. So I apologize, but out of boredom (can't sleep and it's too late in the day to do anything productive without risking sleeping in tomorrow), I'm going to try to break the trend and just fill everybody in on what I've been up to these days. Sorry.
Rather than accomplishing my original goals for the break, namely studying Japanese and traveling to nearby countries to fulfill 2-year old promises that I'd visit friends this year in their respective countries, I've just made and tackled a set of new goals that presented themselves just as it seemed possible (convenient) to achieve them. Namely I've gone snowboarding twice, participated in a Japanese "naked festival", read a few chapters of Me Talk Pretty One Day, learned a number of no-bake recipes, begun a rigorous weight-training program, prepared an itinerary for my parents' upcoming visit, and watched a bunch of movies. Among the Chinese movies I've watched (since those help strengthen my Japanese language comprehension sooo much v_v), a line from 天下無賊 spoken by Andy Lau in English keeps popping up in daily conversation with the Chinese exchange students in my dorm, namely the title of this blog entry. (Ha! I bet you believed me when I said I was giving up the title-motifs! Now if I wanted to turn it into a full-fledged theme, I would have to rant about personal relationships.)
On a side note, I am mastering new social arts as well. My friends like to go out clubbing, often trying to make new friends at the club. The standard plan is to go to the R&B floors, sneak up behind somebody, and dance in a manner that suggests you have only one thing on your mind... making friends. This success rate in meeting conservative friends with this technique is less than desirable. Since 90% of the men at these clubs have this same game plan, women tend to go in pairs and dance with each other to have a plain excuse for not engaging in dance with creepy people. However, those who feel less than comfortable with this game plan (me included) get together and do quirky little dance moves such as the lawnmower, which immediately grants friendships with all the 30+ year old women trying to latch onto stronger-looking excuses for avoiding the creepy perverts in the club. My most successful tactic thus far has been going down to the retro floor, waiting for Bee Gees hits to start playing, and breaking out John Travolta's disco moves. Nothing says safe fun-loving guy better than an idiot making a fool of himself on the retro floor.
But I admit, there is a hidden agenda behind this clubbing. Not only do I get to learn about new places to go in the city and practice Japanese with new friends, but I have mastered the art of getting free food from women who are trying to foster a healthy relationship between the token foreigner (me) and their daughter. This past week, I visited a home where I received a declaration along the lines of "This time I cooked for you, but truly, my daughter can cook well also! Please come back often so she can prove it to you!" So my buddy and I took her and one of her friends out to the StarWars museum, featuring original props, costumes, and sketches for the 5 episodes made so far as well as the upcoming film. Not to spoil anything, but apparently there are robots with capes, and the Jedi have some big sci-fi-esque planning room that just seems to go against the image of the Jedi. Despite those drawbacks, wookies are introduced, and Yoda will continue to please the crowd with his awesome skills. The girl I was escorting seemed more than happy to go against the no-photography and no-touching rules posted about 5 places in every room. Security wasn't too happy with us, but just sorry was enough for them.
Yikes so it's really late and tomorrow (now today) I will attend a graduation ceremony. Blog to ya later!
I visited a non-demoniational (Lutherans in disguise) church today. Walking into this place is like walking into a Lutheran church in America. Everybody is suddenly speaking in regional American accents, the music is provided by two guitarists and a bongo player, the hymnals give 4-part harmony which is scrapped for new chord progressions that preserve only the melody, and the service itself is a practice in recitations of how we are selfish hateful sinners. Rather than reciting how we are unworthy of a relationship with God, whatever name He is given, I believe a church is responsible for encouraging a relationship with God. The pastor did say something that stuck with me. He said:
You must learn to feast before you can learn to fast.
His meaning, though I think it went right by the Japanese visitors, was that without true appreciation for time of celebration, fasting is miserable and meaningless. However, I think this kind of advice is only meant to suggest that life requires balance. It's right along the lines of "Good cannot exist without evil." I've spent a great deal of my life believing that I must understand all walks of life and be able to appreciate all forms of art and expression in order to comprehend the significance of anything. I've stretched myself too thin, and I exhausted my resources in the process. Granted, not many people have the bragging rights of becoming a senior after only 3 semesters of college, but close to half the courses I've taken by now have been classified as non-degree pursuits. My attempt to appreciate life looks more like a lack of focus on a single goal.
This week I've gained an appreciation for money, having spent most of my scholarship funds too quickly, counting the 10 dollars I have left to get me through the next week one by one. I've gained an appreciation for free food (er, I mean for Chinese-Japanese relations) at the two-day conference I attended with 2 wonderful performers of Chinese traditional instruments. I've gained an appreciation for people's complex emotions, encountering all sides of the human spirit this week. However, I still have no idea how to respond to people under certain kinds of stress. There are those who will hate you for trying to help, and those who will hate you for not trying to help. There are those who can only be happy with their expectations are met, and those who seek only the unexpected. There are stalkers, and those who wish to be left alone for life. This is far more complicated than a matter of there being leaders and followers. Perhaps I can never expect to understand what people want and what people need, and as long as there are people who follow nothing but their emotions, they will never be classifiable into any realm of rationality. I just wish these people would be willing to open up a little so we can learn to appreciate each other.
I always loved the film Awakenings with Robert DeNiro, and my apologies for spoiling the film, but the awakenings in the film prove to be short-lived. Among those who are staying in Japan for a year, I have heard many people say here at the halfway point that they are unsatisfied with the way things are going in their life and are ready to turn a new leaf. The hard part is following through, and even if there is a perceived awakening into a new life, often times this new leaf gets brushed away as the novelty of change has worn off. For example, I have heard many incidences of smokers being unable to quit until they think about the consequences it will have on their unborn child. If change requires this kind of serious motivation, then it's a shame that too many people are so unwilling to take care of themselves, possibly a sign that this age of information is also an age of poor self-esteem. At least I don't recall ever having read an uplifting book in the Wake County public school system.
So on top of learning to cook, my latest awakening is to shrug aside all my twisted perceptions of morality that pretty much equated to me being a slacker. The new goal is a disciplined schedule, a more active social engagement, no more fear of confrontation, and most importantly, not taking an hour to think through every sentence before I speak. Usually the topic has changed by that point anyway. Wish me luck.
It's vacation time for me in Japan, and I figure it's time to spend my free time learning a few things. I'm reviewing some of my Japanese grammar and vocabulary, but I really have a couple of things I want to learn ASAP. First off, I'll have as much as a month's time to travel outside the country, so I wanna visit China to see a bunch of friends I haven't seen in a couple of years. Thailand and Vietnam also sound appealing as well, but I'll need some tips on getting around. Wanna get a tour of the local cuisine especially.
Speaking of which, that's the other thing I want to learn. I can bake pastries just fine back in America, but living without an oven, I need to expand to the stovetop. I've found recipes of all sorts of foods I love from back home, but I have a hard time finding many of the same ingredients in Japan. As such, if anybody has had the experience of cooking western food in Japan, I'd love some help learning what I can actually make over here. Maybe I should just accept that I'm here and start cooking Japanese cuisine.
Japan is said to be a country of four distinct seasons. While there are places that have snow year-round and those that remain warm year-round, the tourist industry loves making a big deal out of something that tourists will never notice. A week-long vacation can't see the effects of changing weather, and the only big seasonal tourist attraction is cherry blossum viewing. Of course every region has its major seasonal festivals, but there is really only one seasonal change that seems to affect my city -- the food.
Best seen at the local LAWSON convenience store, many of the offered selections remain in stock for a mere month. We get such seasonal drinks as winter apple Fanta, such seasonal stacks as winter BBQ Pringles, and such seasonal candies as winter Pocky. Around the turn of the year there was even a なんちゃって cola that lasted just over a week. Aside from the seasonal commercial madness in the convenience stores, there are seasonal changes in the fruits, nuts, and おでん selection, but these are hardly what comes to mind when Japan is described as a country of four distinct seasons.
For me, this is a season of goodbyes. When I moved into international housing at my university in America, one of my good friends at the time who had lived there before told me that she didn't like living there because it only meant having to say goodbye to everybody you met there within a year. Regardless, I chose to live there 2 years and am now in a similar situation in Japan. However, to me, if you truly grow close to anybody in your time with them, there is no need for goodbyes in this day and age. Mail reaches most of the globe, so the only goodbyes are for those without the patience for meaningful relationships. If you're too afraid to meet somebody you'll have to say goodbye to, you might as well never leave home. But anyway, I'll miss spending time with all you guys who are leaving and hope we can meet up again someday. Here's to all of you!
I've ruined my sleep schedule after working on my final reports for this semester. At least this shows me just how vulnerable our bodies are when we don't care for ourselves with proper discipline. Certainly my shortcomings in college have two causes. First, I refuse to live out my life only having gained the limited scope of an technical profession without any awareness of the significance engineering can play in humanity, so I take far more courses than I am capable of handling (I was already classified a senior by the end of my third semester at NCSU). However second, and more importantly, is my inability to maintain a disciplined sleep schedule. This lack of discipline means missed appointments, low mental acuity, even eventually leading to poor physical and social health. Because I've had at least two roommates who contributed to this situation, and realizing now that living alone in Japan has been the best remedy for me, I don't plan on returning to Alexander Hall in the fall.
What makes this particular instance so depressing is the vividness and length of the dream I just awoke from. I was enrolled in some sort of class in Japan (I think I believed it was a metropolis city like Tokyo in my dream) in which our assignment was to compose a J-Pop song. My dream spanned the full course of writing the song, growing friendships with others in the class and witnessing their struggles with writing their own pieces, and eventually giving feedback on each other's pieces at our final performance which doubled as a sort of ceremony for placing our final published piece in a sort of final project shrine. As I started to wake up I realized I missed one of my classmate's performances and I was scolded for not having paid attention. Now that I had been kicked back into dream mode it started to feel like a turn towards one of those came-to-class-naked dreams (I've never had one before), so I quickly shifted gears to a flying dream. I hadn't had a flying dream since I was maybe 12 so this was great. However the experience was completely different. In the flying dreams from my childhood, I remember just wanting either to escape some situation or merely to force my will into the dream, so I would fly to nowhere in particular and everything below looked the same -- one giant residential block. This time was quite different. I have never imagined such a vivid landscape as that which I saw in this dream. The most beautiful metropolis setting imaginable, I went between diverse building zones where all kinds of people and architecture could be found. I had everything from bridges and skyscrapers covered in ivy to children's sandboxes. Of course in the last few moments before I woke up the city started making less sense, like people driving on bridges to dead ends, or giant swingsets 40 stories high. But until that point, all the places I had seen, all the songs I had composed just for the sake of this dream, everything had made me envy the power within our own minds that is restricted when we're awake. If only it weren't for this, I think I would take my music composition book with me in all my travels.
(Taken 22 Oct 2004)
I'm told that I don't need Cantonese in Hong Kong because those interested in interacting with foreigners speak English, and those who aren't interested will probably give a cold shoulder. In other words, English is enough to get by in Hong Kong.
I don't want to just "get by" in Hong Kong. To me, walking around, buying souvenirs, visiting tourist attractions... this is meaningless. All the typical tourist gets is a bit of excercise, trinkets to give friends and family, sore feat, stomachaches, but most importantly, the right to say "I've been there". Any culture absorbed by tourist attractions is diluted by the presense of tourists and those taking advantage of tourists. You can get more out of a book or personal website. I am a fan of a number of Hong Kong films, but even films can be misleading. I've enjoyed getting a tatse of Hong Kong from an online photo blog, but a taste of everyday life in Hong Kong through a website isn't enough. I want to connect personally with people I meet, and using nothing but a major foreign tourist language isn't likely to get me far.
Granted, there is no way I will become fluent in the next 2 days. Even so, every little bit of effort put into a language is a gesture of respect. To me, it's like saying "I realize I'm a tourist, but I'd like to connect with something deeper than money and material goods."
To be nobody-but-yourself - in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you somebody else - means to fight the hardest battle than any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. - E E Cummings